The Grammar Nazi

Maybe you’ve seen the merchandize that says, “I’m silently correctly your grammar.” (Here’s one place to start if you’d like to purchase any.) Or maybe you’re one of the types who already purchased some. Yes, I must confess. Grammar nazi is one of my vices. I’m a stickler for accuracy in anything I read. I recently heard about a man who sneaks around England at night correcting error’s errors on signs. It’s not something to which I aspire, but I understand his motivations.

Grammar. Punctuation. Spelling. Word usage. Years ago, I worked as a technical editor, and I still can’t turn off that side of me. Indeed, one thing I learned early in my writing career was to never read my work after publication, so I wouldn’t see the errors that made it into print. To this day, I silently wince when I see errors in books, on signs, in news stories, or on the projector screens at church (when I’m supposed to be concentrating on using the words of the song to praise God, and all I can think about is the punctuation error on the wall).

One of the songs that gets me every time is “Amazing Grace.”

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise,
Than when we first begun.

Do you see the phrase that annoys me? A common word usage mistake many people make is to misuse fewer/less. Use fewer for things you can count: I have fewer M&Ms than you (so hand some over). Use less for things you can’t count: I put less butter on my toast this morning because I’ve decided I need to cut back. (That’s what happens when I eat too many M&Ms.)

So why would the writer say “We’ve no less days”? Days can be counted, so fewer is the grammatically correct word choice…except the topic is eternity, and in eternity, the days can’t be counted.

Is this a usage error to keep the phrase to four syllables? Or is it a brilliant use of the English language to make a point? I haven’t decided, but I must admit, it certainly focuses my mind on the meaning of the words every time.

(Oh, and if you find a typo in this post? Please don't tell me. Its all ready published, so there's nothing I can due.)

Lessons from the Editor's Desk - Take Me for a Ride

 by Dina Sleiman

In the first lesson of this series, I explained that I am a part-time, often volunteer editor for WhiteFire Publishing. However, I have been reviewing manuscripts for three years now, and I've learned a few things along the way that I think would be helpful to the writers among us. Today's lesson: take me for a ride!

Once I make it through the first chapter or two of a novel submission and feel confident that the book is off to a good start and a reasonable fit for my company's needs, I like to download it to my kindle. From that point on, I try to turn off my inner editor and experience the book like a reader. If it keeps me engaged and I read until the end, I might ask for some improvements, but chances are, I will recommend the book to our publishing committee.

So here's the big question: Why would I stop reading???

One of two reasons: the book bored me or the book wasn't well constructed. When we read a book we want to be taken for a ride, on a journey. It should be exciting, yet it should feel reliable. We want highs and lows, twists and turns, even upside down loops, much like a roller coaster. But...we want to feel like the roller coaster is structurally sound and the safety equipment is trustworthy. We want that assurance that we'll get off in one piece on the other side. Editors end up reading a lot of bad books, but when we find a novel that allows us to relax and enjoy the ride, we are ecstatic! Now, let's look at this in more detail.

Boring:
If I'm bored and don't desire to pick your book back up and keep reading, I won't. Plain as that. If it's not holding my interest, it won't hold the interest of many regular readers either. Here are some issues that can lead to a boring book:

Overused Storyline
Flat Characters
Weak Dialogue
Weak Voice
Lack of Motivation
Lack of Conflict
Lack of Escalation
Lack of Emotional Intensity
Pointless Scenes
Slow Pacing
Too Much Telling
Lengthy Chunks of Description
Lengthy Chunks of Narration

The most important element to keep in mind in this area is that unlike authors from the 1800s, you are competing with television, youtube, blockbuster movies, and netflix for people's attention. You need to keep your stories quick paced, present moment, multi-sensory, full of conflict, and downright exhilarating. Even a quiet, literary novel must keep these issues in mind. While you might be able to replace some conflict and action with beautiful language and deep observations about the human condition, you must still provide that engaging ride for your reader. So maybe this sort of novel would be more of a sky tram than a roller coaster, but it still needs to provide a strong story arc for a worthwhile and memorable journey.

Faulty Construction:
The other reason I might put a novel down is because I don't feel confident that it will safely get me where I need to go. A reader needs to believe that the story/author is trustworthy and will fulfill the requirements of the genre in a satisfying manner. If the reader feels jolted or confused, chances are he or she will give up on the book. And I will too. Here are some typical issues in this category:

Faulty Plot Structure
Inconsistent Character Motivations
Poor Characterization
Unclear Setting
Continuity Issues
Poor Pacing
Poor Scene Choice
Point of View Issues
Jolting through Time
Jolting in and out of Scenes
Missing Information
Far-Fetched Plot

No one wants to take a ride like that. I for one love a good roller coaster, but at a reliable theme park, not one tossed up by a couple of traveling carnival workers. You can't perfect one element of a novel while letting another fall into disrepair or go missing entirely. Writing a novel is a huge and elaborate undertaking. There's a lot to get right, and if even one element is weak, the entire thing can fall apart. I mean, what if one single piece of track was missing from a roller coaster? Or the pulley to get you to the top was weak or jolting? Or what if the brakes were just so so? In order to have a fulfilling ride, every piece needs to be working well and in conjunction with the others.

Don't get too discouraged. Most books have a few minor weaknesses. That's what editors are for. But again remember, I need to want to read your book until the end before we even get to that point. So make it impossible for me to put down. Take me on a journey that I'll want to finish, and you just might find yourself in print.

What makes you give up on a book? Even better, what makes you want to throw it against the wall?

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Dina Sleiman writes lyrical stories that dance with light. Most of the time you will find this Virginia Beach resident reading, biking, dancing, or hanging out with her husband and three children, preferably at the oceanfront. Check out her novels Dance from Deep Within, Dance of the Dandelion, and Love in Three-Quarter time. And please join her as she discovers the unforced rhythms of grace. For more info visit her at http://dinasleiman.com/

Lessons from the Editor's Desk - First Pages

by Dina Sleiman

Let’s start this lesson with full disclosure. I am a part-time, often-volunteer editor for a small publishing company. That being said, for the past three years I have been representing WhiteFire Publishing at conferences and reviewing submissions for them. Probably the best perk I’ve gleaned from this experience is a huge improvement in my own writing, and especially in knowing how to make my own submissions sparkle for bigger publishers. So I’m going to do a series sharing some of the lessons I’ve learned. Today let’s start with those all-important first pages.

The sad truth is that for the majority of the manuscripts I read, I never get past the first page. Keep in mind that WhiteFire accepts unagented submissions, so I imagine that statistic is different for bigger publishers. You might wonder how in the world I can tell a manuscript won’t cut it by the first page alone, but a first page can tell you a lot. It can tell you whether or not a writer has done their job to learn the craft, it can tell you if they’re lazy, and it can tell you if they possess any talent.

 Here are a few of the red flags that will stop me reading right on the first page.

1     1)  Stilted Language

2     2) Phony dialogue

3     3) Lack of understanding of point of view

4     4) Telling not showing

5     5) Confusing sentences

       6)  Bad grammar

7     7)  Excessive typos

      

There you go people, that little list alone saves me reading farther on over 50% of submissions. If I see any of those problems on the all-important first page, I know that matters can only go downhill from there. As a publishing company, we simply don’t have the time or energy to put into fixing any of these issues, no matter how brilliant your idea might be.

Now don’t get me wrong, I realize not everyone excels at opening scenes. I understand the paranoia of crafting the perfect hook. I know that some people aren’t good at nailing down exactly where a book should start. But if you haven’t mastered the basic writing craft yet, as attested by the red flags above, those other issues are immaterial. If the writing is good, but the opening is weak, I might read on. Occasionally if someone is “telling” a story with a really nice style, I will skip ahead a few pages to see if they shift into “showing.” And I’m not going to turn down a manuscript over a typo or a misplaced comma, but if I see a handful of those sorts of mistakes on the very first page, that’s just lazy, so forget it. 

I used to overuse the "not a fit for our company" phrase in my rejection letters, which really meant, "your writing is too awful to be a fit for our company," but I don't do that anymore. For books that I don't make it past the first page, I figure a simple "no thank you" will have to suffice. When I say a book is not a fit, it means we don't publish that type of book. And when I offer suggestions for improvement, that's a good thing. It means the project has potential.

If you pass the all-important first pages test, and I actually get through a good scene or chapter of your book, I will then put it on my kindle and read it like a reader, not an editor. At that point, I’m mostly looking to see if I enjoy the book and if it holds my interest. If I actually read through to the end, I might ask for some changes, but I will likely be sending the book forward to my senior editor. In my next lesson we’ll look at some of the reasons I might stop reading a novel by an otherwise competent author. Click here for lesson 2.

As a reader, what do you look for on the first page of a novel to decide whether or not you will read on?

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Dina Sleiman writes lyrical stories that dance with light. Most of the time you will find this Virginia Beach resident reading, biking, dancing, or hanging out with her husband and three children, preferably at the oceanfront. Check out her novels Dance from Deep Within, Dance of the Dandelion, and Love in Three-Quarter time. And please join her as she discovers the unforced rhythms of grace. For more info visit her at http://dinasleiman.com/