Extra Life Lessons Learned

I’d like to talk about life lessons my kids and I have learned from being film industry extras.

If you aren’t familiar with the people called extras, let me present an image . . . this still is from a new movie playing in theatres now. In it, we see Quinton Aaron as Michael Oher in Alcon Entertainment's drama 'The Blind Side,' a Warner Bros. Pictures release. Photo by Ralph Nelson. It's from the book of the same name by Michael Lewis.

In the still, the camera focuses on Quinton as he walks down the street. But who are those people behind him? Those people in the background are movie extras otherwise known as ‘backgrounders’. Extras provide a living landscape. In some movies they're rarely seen, in others they’re everywhere. Sometimes it depends on the director’s vision. Sometimes on the budget. An extra's name won't appear on the credits, but they're still paid for their appearance.

For our work in the film industry, our agent will call and say they need me as an adult female for a particular day. Or the agent will say she needs a female teen, or a teenage boy, etc. Sometimes they’re very specific and want someone of a certain ethnic background. If you look at the above still, you don’t see any Caucasians. That’s not an accident. I haven’t seen the movie but I believe they’re trying to portray the neighborhood Michael Oher grew up in.

Here's a still from the 2001 movie, The Princess Diaries. You can see Anne Hathaway as Mia Thermopolis with her hands raised. She stands out because everyone else (all the extras) are in dowdy black. Their job is to fill the space but be invisible. And most of them are older adults.

The first life lesson I want to mention then is that my kids have learned to accept rejection because of this picking and choosing. They’ve applied for auditions and not been picked. Sure it hurts, but it’s taught them everyone is unique and sometimes it’s the other person’s turn to shine. If they don’t get a part, it could be because their hair is too short or not curly, or they’re too tall or too short, or too fat or too skinny, etc. It makes me feel good when they leave an audition and wish the rest of the kids good luck knowing they mean it. I believe being able to handle rejection gracefully is something they’ll need as they grow into adults.

The second life lesson being an extra has taught my kids is confidence. You’d think after the rejections of the previous para it wouldn’t be like that but you’ve never seen them when it has been their turn to be picked. Paid at the same rate as an adult, their confidence is further built up when they receive their paycheck. But I think the best confidence builder is the esteem their classmates hold them because of their extra job. At least that’s what the teachers told me when my son started working in this industry.

The third life lesson I wanted to mention was that my kids learn they aren’t special. Yes, I know this goes against 2 paragraphs ago when I said they were unique but let me explain. A movie set is very regulated where everyone has a specific job. We are the extras. We are expendable. We are taken onto the set and left in a corner, usually in a metal folding chair to await our turn. While we’re sitting there, we see a table filled with plates of goodies, like donuts, muffins and cookies. Lots of fresh fruit. And there’s a selection of drinks from water and juice to coffee, tea and hot chocolate. That is the Craft Table. But it’s not ours. The Craft Table for the extras is much smaller. Ours holds a canister of pretzels, another of wrapped candy, and we can chose water or coffee to drink. Period.

Mealtimes on the set are strictly controlled. Many times we’ve finished our scene and are sitting back in the holding room where everyone will eat lunch or supper. We can see the caterer setting up. We can smell the food. Our tummies are growling as we’ve been on set for 6 hrs and all we’ve had to eat are pretzels and candy. But we can’t eat. The extras have to wait for the cast and crew to eat first. Once they’ve all gone through and are seated, then our wrangler will let us go and get ours. Seconds are up for grabs. Despite the wait for our food, we are usually well fed.

So here’s where the life lesson comes in… the kids have learned to wait even though the food is available and they’re hungry. They accept the fact others are more important and get to eat first. And they accept the mini Craft Table too. I have yet to see one kid sneak food from the wrong table. It’s just not acceptable and the kids know if they did try it, they probably wouldn’t be called back to work again. Even at their ages, they know it’s not worth the risk.

In this photo taken at the making of Jason Blaine's 2007 music video, Rock in My Boot, you see the extras standing around in skimpy clothing. Well, I tell you, it was freezing that day as can be attested by the men in the foreground wearing coats and a hat. But the video simulated a hot summer day. My daughter was one of these extras and although it was a difficult day to get through, she loved the experience. So the final life lesson is about work and comfort. The kids have worked in below freezing temps and ridiculously hot days. They've worn winter clothes in summer and vice versa. And they've learned to put aside personal comfort and wear whatever it takes to get the job done. (Yes, I'm always on the set with them.)

I don’t know how long my kids and I will work in this industry. So far, I’ve turned the agent down a couple times for unsuitable projects. But even if they never get called up again, I’ll be thankful for the life lessons they’ve already learned.

So my question for you today is about working in the movie industry. Have you ever worked on a TV or movie set? Have you ever wanted to? Which movie or TV show would you want to work on if you had a choice out of everything?

An Unusual Heroine: Bathsheba

By Dina Sleiman

So I chose a Biblical character, which may be cheating a bit for life lessons, but I've read multiple fictionalized versions of her life. And, since your mom probably didn’t encourage you to emulate this woman, I think she should make for an interesting post.

What do we know for sure about this story? One night Bathsheba was taking a bath (ironic right) on her rooftop. David saw her and desired her. He called for her and made love to her. She got pregnant. David summoned her husband back from the war, but no matter how David and Bathsheba connived, the husband wouldn’t sleep with her. So, in danger of being exposed, David decided to have her husband deserted on the front lines, and essentially plotted his murder.

Okay, so why did this happen? How did this happen? Most importantly to me, what sort of woman was Bathsheba? What can I learn from her, other than not to take a bath on a roof? I've read a lot of Biblical fiction, and I’ve seen Bathsheba characterized many different ways.

One common depiction played her as a scheming woman who plied her wiles atop her roof to catch the eye of the richest, most powerful man in town. In this version she’s a seductress. Now, I don’t buy this version, and I’ll tell you why. First, David was a man after God’s own heart. Second, he was brilliant. We’re not talking about some stupid muscle-head like Samson here. Third, if Bathsheba was such a seductress, I think she could have lured her husband back into her bed. And last but not least, God does not bless evil seductresses, as he later blessed Bathsheba.

Another typical version is that she was victimized by David. That bathing on roofs was common practice, and the only reason he saw her was because he took advantage of the high towers of the castle. In this version he’s practically a rapist. I don’t buy this version either because of David’s character, which I’ve already mentioned. If Bathseba had cried, or refused him, or been afraid, I can’t imagine the gentle writer of the Psalms forcing her to have sex.

I once heard a creative telling of the story where Uriah, Bathsheba’s husband, was an abuser. Interesting, but far-fetched, and unsubstantiated.
Here’s what I think.

Plain and simple.

I think David and Bathsheba fell in love. I imagine they must have met before this encounter. Jerusalem wasn’t that huge in those days, and Uriah was a general in David’s army. Bathsheba’s father was thought to be a member of David’s inner circle, and her grandfather was probably one of his advisors. So I’m guessing that at some point they met and developed feelings for one another, even if David didn’t immediately recognize her at a distance on the rooftop.

Or at very least, David called for Bathsheba and they discovered a mutual attraction and fell in love. Now whether Bathsheba bathed on the roof because of her desire for David, or whether David was spying because of his desire for her, doesn’t really matter. Maybe it was a little of both. David was a musician, and like most of his breed, he was an emotionally driven and passionate man. And yes, things got of control, and David and Bathsheba made a mistake.

They sinned.

Now where they took one sin of passion and managed to turn it into something far uglier, was when they attempted to cover it up. Free bonus lesson from David and Bathsheba. You can’t make your sin go away by trying to hide it. You can only make it worse. After David had Uriah killed, judgment came upon David and Bathsheba. Nathan the prophet spoke out against what they had done. And they lost their child.

But here’s where the story gets interesting to me. After all of that, David and Bathsheba’s marriage is blessed by God. They have another son named Solomon, who by most accounts grew to be one of the wisest and richest kings who ever lived.

Oh, but that’s not all.

David is in the lineage of Jesus, through his son Solomon, his child with Bathsheba. Which means, this woman you may have misunderstood to be a conniving seductress is in Jesus’ lineage.

Oh, and did I mention that many people believe her to be the model for the Proverbs 31 woman. The paragon of Christian femininity.

So what lessons can we learn from this woman? Maybe we need to go back and ask what went wrong. Were David and Bathsheba destined for each other, but they were impatient and rushed into things, thereby messing up the plan? Were they never meant for each other, but God turned all things for good? Or, in a way, could this have been something that needed to happen? Could they both have had character flaws that needed to be dealt with? That needed to be brought out of hiding and into the light?

I’ll leave that part for you to decide.
But here are the lessons which surface no matter what.
1) God is a redeeming God.
2) God takes our messes and turns them into something amazing.
3) He gives us beauty for ashes.
4) He gives us the oil of joy for mourning.
5) And even when we give up on God, he never gives up on us.

And that’s why Bathsheba fascinates me. She is the embodiment of God’s redemptive love. Perhaps these aren’t the typical “life-lessons.” We can always fall back on “Don’t take a bath on a roof.” I’d say that’s pretty good as practical advice goes.
But I think we can draw a rather deep life lesson from this story as well. How easy would it have been for Bathsheba to have let her mistake destroy her? To let shame, depression, or bitterness overtake her? Instead, she dusted herself off and went on to become an incredible wife, mother, and queen.

What practical life advice or inspirational thought would you like to share with our Inky audience today?

Laurie Alice Eakes, Faith, and Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Kira Nerys had a terrible life. To be more accurate, I should say that she will have a terrible life, as she isn’t born for another three hundred years or so. She isn’t even human. She’s a Bajoran, from the planet of Bajor.

About three years ago, when my husband and I found that carving out two hours for a movie wasn’t working very often with his law school schedule, we started putting TV shows into our Netflix queue. We could manage 45 minutes or so for an episode, and he chose to start me on a TV series that had been completely off of my radar—Deep Space Nine.

Apparently, DS9 was off a lot of people’s radar, though I don’t know why. This series has some of the best story crafting I’ve ever seen in television, movies, or even books. I could use episodes to teach writing courses.

But back to Kira. That’s Major (and in the last season, Colonel) Kira, as the Bajorans use the family name first. She is an attractive, smart, and self-confident humanoid female, who, as one character puts it succinctly, never doubts herself. One would think that Maj. Kira grew up in a comfortable, secure family.

She didn’t. She grew up in a refugee camp and joined the resistance movement at a very young age. She planned and executed attacks on her enemies when she should have been going to proms, if future young females go to the prom. Her planet had been taken over by a race called the Cardassians, who were pretty nasty. OK, they were downright vicious, cruel, and probably learned a few things about treating the conquered from Hitler’s concentration camps and then improved upon the techniques. Kira faced death every day of her life. She watched loved ones and friends die. When the occupation ended, thanks to the Federation, she still faced—faces—death daily, as the world isn’t all love and peace. No, new enemies have appeared.

But this isn’t a synopsis of the seven season long TV series. You can watch it for yourself (click here or here). It’s worth the first couple of seasons that have some clunkers and bad acting, as it just gets better.

This is about Kira and life and what I have learned about mine from watching her.

Kira is a victim. She suffers through no fault of her own—most of the time. Most of us can’t even imagine living such a terrible life and not coming out so emotionally scarred we are useless. Yet I believe if anyone called Kira a victim, that person would find himself picking himself up off the floor after she knocked him down for being so insulting.

Because Kira doesn’t play the role of a victim. She plays the role of a heroine. She doesn’t let any of the terrible things that happen to her, from losing her family, to losing the first man she loves, to friends and colleagues, to the life she should have had, keep her from going forward and achieving what she wants—peace, security, and prosperity for her people.

Kira isn’t perfect. She is often bitter. She really detests Cardassians, and she can sometimes be judgmental. Like in the the episode Return to Grace...

Ziyal: When I look at my father, I have a hard time seeing a murder.
Kira: And when I look at him, I have a hard time seeing anything else.

And in Purgatory's Shadow...
Dukat: "The man is a heartless, cold-blooded killer."
Kira: "Like I said, he's a Cardassian."

Yet she learns. She learns not all Cardassians are evil, some were courageous and honorable. She learns love comes in many forms. She learns sometimes a person has to give up a fight to win.

I could probably stop right there and you all would figure out what I’m saying. But because Gina gave me a lot more of a word count, I’ll use it.

Life isn’t easy for most of us. I don’t have a dramatic and heart-rending story like Wenda’s beautiful true tale she shared weeks ago that still makes me cry when I think about it. Yet I have had some bad things happen to me, things that others would say make me a victim, from getting into an abusive relationship with no way out for far too long, to contracting uncontrollable glaucoma, to losing my best friend to a brain tumor when I needed her most. And we won’t even get into the issues of longing to be a published author. I’ve shared my nightmare story about my first agent at www.jessicanelson7590.blogspot.com so won’t go into that again. Let us suffice it to say here that she told me I had no talent and should give up, that my latest idea wouldn’t sell.

She was wrong. It did sell and won the National Reader’s Choice Award for best Regency that year. Meh!

OK, I’ll stop being childish and get back to serious business.

Many times, if we imagine Kira’s life before the Federation came in to help, I’ll bet she was told she couldn’t do what she finally did. It happens to her during the show, too. Circumstances and naysayers try to hold her back—and fail. Kira keeps going in the direction to which she feels led.

Because of her faith.

A little tidbit I haven’t yet mentioned is that Kira has a deep faith. The writers of Deep Space Nine gave the Bajorans a religion that is deeply spiritual and mystical. Faith in “The Prophets” keeps her going when doing so seems impossible. It sustains her through heartache and gives her joy.

"That's the thing about faith. If you don't have it, you can't understand it. And if you do, no explanation is necessary." ~Major Kira Nerys, Accession

If Kira didn’t have this faith, I doubt she would have the strength and self-assurance that she demonstrates during the series and in flashbacks to her previous life. She even says so when someone asks her, in an episode where the word Faith is in the title.

When I was going through the worst times in my life, I didn’t have faith. I had left God behind for various reasons that led me down a victim mentality path. Through God’s grace and many prayers for me, I have no doubt, I found my faith and began the climb out of the pit. The less I let what others thought, said, did hold me back, the further along I advanced. As Kira has the strength to carry out seemingly impossible missions with the strength and reassurance that “The Prophets” are with her, so I began to realize that God loved me, was with me, and had an absolute purpose for my life.

Although I would like to, I can’t say that I have Kira’s absolute self-assurance or even her depth of complete trust in God—God as she sees Him. Yet little by little, step by step, God has sustained me, bringing me forward and closer to Him.

A year ago, when I daily cried out to Him: “If you don’t want me to be a writer after all, then please show me what you do want me to do,” tested my belief in His plan for my life. I thought I’d been given the green light when I sold my first two books and won the National Readers Choice Award. But twenty months passed with not merely rejections, but a couple of ones that could have shoved me into the victim category, they were so…unpleasant. I heard that former agent telling me I had no talent and couldn’t write.

But I kept asking, praying, and believing that God had…something for me.

And He did. My agent—the good one--called me on October 28, 2008, nineteen months and eleven days past the last time she’d given me “the call” to tell me that JoAnne Simmons at Barbour wanted my New Jersey historical series. The fun part is that I was in New Jersey at the time. In April she called to tell me that Faith Black, formerly at Avalon, wanted my four-book series and that Revell was taking another book to committee and, by the way, could I change a few things in my Regency series for submission to Revell…

By July, I had sold eleven books, three to Barbour, four to Avalon, and four to Revell.

Although I’m not fighting horrors like the Jem H’dar, as Kira has to do, or even dealing with intergalactic politics, as she is often compelled to do, I have found myself in a maze of deadlines, promotions, and edits, living in a city that often feels like a foreign country to me. Like Kira, I’d rather be a winner, not a victim, sustained by my faith.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Award-winning author Laurie Alice Eakes does not remember a time when books did not play a part in her life; thus, no one was surprised when she decided to be a writer. She is an active member of RWA and ACFW, and started the Avalon Authors group blog. A graduate of the Seton Hill University Master of Arts Degree in Writing Popular Fiction, And a Bachelor of Arts graduate in English and French from Asbury College, she is an experienced speaker, and has made presentations at local and national RWA conferences, as well as local universities and libraries.

Until recently, she lived in Northern Virginia, then her husband’s law career took them and their dogs and cats, to Southern Texas, where she writes full-time and enjoys the beach whenever possible.

Check out her blog, Seize the Chance.

Lily is tired of her one-horse town. Lily Reese can't wait to escape Browning City, Iowa. She's sure she'll be happier in the big city, if only she can save enough money to get there. But then Ben Purcell rides into town, threatening not only Lily's place of residence and growing sense of family, but her safety and peace of mind, as well. And Ben has every intention of sticking around and becoming a small-town guy. How can Lily even consider the feelings he evokes in her? Rumors of a long-lost cache of gold bring danger swirling around them, but Lily and Ben find themselves on a quest for something more. Will releasing their plans and desires bring heartache or a reward they had never imagined?

Better Than Gold can be purchased here or here.

Coming soon from Heartsong:


Colin Grassick travels from Edinburgh, Scotland, to Salem County, New Jersey, in 1809 in order to become the master glassblower at the glassworks being established there. He loves his work and yearns for enough success to have the money to bring his mother and siblings to America for a better life. But when he falls in love with Meg, the beautiful independent-minded daughter of the glassworks owner, Colin's career and life are then in danger.

See a full review of The Glassblower at Dina's Awesome Inspirational Blog. http://awesomeinspirationals.blogspot.com/

Life Lessons from Spider-Man

One of the bedrooms in my house is decorated with posters of Marvel superheroes. Wolverine, Iron Man, and The Fantastic Four are well-known in my family, but Spider-Man is a hero in his own category, as far as we're concerned. Having now lived with two generations of Spidey-fans, I know a little about Peter Parker, the teenager who received spider-ific superpowers after being bitten by a radioactive arachnid.

Spider-Man’s adventures have been featured in comics, books, movies, and TV shows, but the three film adaptations starring Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spider-Man are my favorites. The special effects are a blast, but I’ve also found themes woven through the films that have spoken to me, both in my life and as a writer. Here’s what I mean:

• Hanging by a Spiderweb? You Might Need Balance. As Spider-Man, Peter juggles superhero work with other duties. He’s in college. He works, helps elderly Aunt May, and pines for Mary Jane all while battling evildoers. How does he do it all? Well, yeah, he’s a fictional character with superhuman abilities, and he does get burned out in movie #2. In fact, he finds the balancing act tricky to some extent in all three Spider-Man movies. But after some missteps, he gets his groove back, prioritizes, and gets the job done despite the mess of his life.

Like many people, I get overwhelmed by my task list. Some days I’m up to my neck in inefficient meetings, broken appliances, and plot problems that hinge on a Regency-era factoid. Throw in a sick kid or an ant invasion in the kitchen, and nothing helps but aspirin. If I compartmentalize my duties, focus on God, remember to keep exercise in the mix, and schedule myself, however, I do a better job of handling things. Most of the time. Balance is key.

Image by Thomas Hawk via Flickr

• Owner of a Lonely Heart? Reach Out. Spider-Man The Hero is a popular guy, the beloved subject of songs and Halloween costumes. Nerdy Peter, however, can’t share in his alter ego’s glory. As his cartoon theme song goes, “Nobody knows who you are.” He swings through a city full of people, saving a good percentage of them from terrible fates, yet no one knows the guy under the mask. Being Spider-Man (the most astounding thing in Peter's life) requires complete anonymity. At the end of the day, Peter, not Spider-Man, goes home alone to a pile of books and a sense of solitude; secrecy is necessary to protect those he loves.

You and I may not be living double lives, but I think it's fair to say that everybody feels lonely sometimes. I find that while I may not suffer like Peter Parker, life has its ebb and flow of friendships and social engagements. The life of a writer can be a solitary existence, too. I spend lots of time inside my head with characters for company. I could spend days engaging nothing but a computer. We can go long stretches without meeting those in our business face-to-face, as we get to know each other (and often submit manuscripts and receive rejection) electronically. But unlike poor Peter, writers have resources. I’ve discovered my own Hall of Superfriends who encourage and engage me. Every writer should join a group based on genre, critique, or craft. Or all three.

• You Knew This Was Coming. "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility." Ah, when Uncle Ben utters this line in movie #1 (straight from the comic book), you know it's a keeper. This nugget of Peter’s uncle's doesn’t just refer to superpowers, of course. Uncle Ben certainly didn't know Peter had anything extra-super about him. It's a reminder that we must use our gifts for others’ good. I try to ask God how He wants me to use my gifts, whether they’re related to my family, church, or writing. And as they’re His gifts, I must be generous with them. What about you? Do you feel a sense of responsibility for using your gifts? Do you realize just how super your God-given gifts are? If you've ever been blessed by someone using their gifts, you should know that you can bless somebody, too, by sharing some of what you've been given. As Uncle Ben might say, it's your responsibility.

• Everyone Makes Mistakes. Even Spider-Man. I’ve made numerous missteps in my life, just ask my family. Several others can vouch for my writing boo-boos too, from grammar to style to spouting an historical inaccuracy. I’ve been called on these, and I've tried to grow from those experiences. Spider-Man grows, too, but his lessons are more painful than my chances to grow in humility have been. In the beginning, Peter chooses self over service, greed over giving, and his choice unfolds a series of events which cost Uncle Ben his life. Peter is devastated, but he eventually moves forward and becomes Spider-Man, champion of the little guy. Of course, he goes on to make more mistakes after that, just like I do (sigh). Each time he makes the wrong choice, though, he sees the error of his ways, and comes back fighting. I mess up on a daily basis, but like Spidey, I'm not going to quit. I’m trying to stay teachable, too, and grow from my errors.

• You've Got Something to Celebrate! Sometimes in the movies, Spider-Man swings through the city just for the fun of it. He soars between skyscrapers, whooping with elation. In those scenes, Spider-Man seems carefree, happy, and utterly in love with his gift, taking joy in his unique ability to do something so fabulous.

Obviously, you and I can't shoot spiderwebs from our wrists and swing from building to building, but we do have something to get excited about. Each of us has some talent, hobby or skill that gives us energy. If you're like me, you have multiple things that might come to mind (playing with your kids, knitting, or running a marathon). Like many of you, I also find exceptional joy in writing. I love the days when I sit down at the computer and my fingers can barely keep up with my characters. I love realizing it’s been four hours since I sat down, and it seems like it's only been ten minutes. There’s joy in the task, and I shouldn't forget to relish it, just like Spider-Man does when he whoops as he soars through the air. I thank God for the joy he gives you, too, in whatever activity you find it.

Image by Thomas Hawk via Flickr

Here's my question for the day: Who's your favorite superhero? Do you love him or her because of their superpowers, or for some other reason? I'll fill you in on my favorite hero in a bit. I'd also love to hear how God has blessed you with your particular joy. What activities give you energy and a reason to celebrate?