Sunday, November 8, 2009

Wrestling With God

Okay. I'll be honest. I've been struggling lately, with a lot of things.

Genesis 32:24-26 Then Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Now when He saw that He did not prevail against him, He touched the socket of his hip; and the socket of Jacob's hip was out of joint as He wrestled with Him. And He said, "Let Me go, for the day breaks."

But he said, "I will not let You go unless You bless me!"

I've spent a lot of time wrestling with God on many issues. I hang on for my blessing. To me that wrestling is tenacity in prayer. But now and then I get tired and I wonder...

O Lord, why do you impose this desire on me?
Why do you torture me with hope
only to bring me to despair of my talent again and again?

Why O Lord in your wisdom do you leave me doubting
when it was you who led me to this place, that fork in the road, REMEMBER?

And I thought I took the road you directed me to travel when it came to
pursuing my purpose here, your purpose for me.
But it appears that you have forgotten my dreams,
while I search for you on a long deserted road.

The road to finding you and my delight in you is obstructed
with broken hearts and hopes.
What have you done with my dreams and plans?
My hopes and passions?
I cannot find my way without your light.

You in me, just we two, Jesus and . . .
the woman at the well?
The men in the fire and the wrestling match till dawn?
What difference will any of it make?

Wrestle and be blessed,
Pray and be heard,
Knock and the door shall be opened,
Ask and you shall receive.

So why then the silence?

Do you feel like you've been wrestling with God lately? What does that look like? What does that feel like? How do you hang on?

Have a blessed Sunday and a blessed week.

Bonnat Jacob Wrestling Angel Pictures, Images and Photos


  1. You brought me to tears today Jill. I understand exactly what you mean and I wish I had an answer, but I don't. It seems so hard to go on. To keep trudging through the mire, even when it's so deep that it comes up to my chin and I feel like I'm about to drown. At times I question the value of continuing to pursue my dreams. I can't see any way to get from here to there.

    What I can do is take just one more step, and pray for the strength and grace to take one more after that. And one day when I look back, maybe I'll realize that I've come farther than I ever dreamed possible.

  2. What a beautiful post...I believe in God's timing...for He know what is best for us all.

    karen k

  3. What a beautiful post...I believe in God's timing...for He know what is best for us all.

    karen k

  4. Wow, Jill. I so totally agree with you, and with Lisa. Sometimes it is so hard. Especially if you're dealing with something that is on-going and seems never-ending. I don't know why I don't always do this first, but whenever I put all my faith in Him and pray with the knowledge that I'm not going through this alone, He always shows me a way to get through the day.

  5. Jill,
    Poignant post with a magnificant illustration.
    There's been stages of wrestling in my life. When I find myself grappling with my Maker, the Holy Spirit has guided me to

    examine sin
    examine blessings
    rest in His guidance
    reaffirm the promises of God in my life, both Biblically stated and Holy Spirit whispered.
    continue to run, with perseverance, the race set before me.

    I just returned from a Beth Moore teaching session on the life of John the Baptist, he who prepared the way for the Lord, yet was so full of angst (from a prison cell) that he sent a message, "Are you the one we should look for, or is there another?) This THE COUSIN of the Messiah, who PREACHED his calling.

    And when the beheading was said and done, HADN'T dear John prepared the way??!!!XXX

    And didn't he hear, when he blinked at the horrid steel blade, then opened his eyes to the GAZE of the Father, "Well, done, my good and faithful servant. For great is your reward in heaven"?

  6. Hey, Jill, all I can say is you are not alone. I have struggled -- boy, have I struggled -- like all of us. I've noticed a lot more 'struggle' lately and think it's hard to live in these times and keep straight with God. Evil is everywhere and it's so defeating to have to worry about which TV program to watch and who to listen to along with your own everyday problems. We are dealing with a lot these days. We need Him even more and we need to start fighting for Him. When I remember to let go and let God, things always work out beautifully.

    Hang in there and trust. He's right there beside us.

  7. Our service today was all about remembering how big God is. So big that he held the seas in the hollow of his hand. Certainly big enough to take care of my problems--allow those problems in the journey to being made more like His son.

    Maybe I don't think He's big enough. Or maybe I think He's too big and I'm too small. Certainly He knows us through and through, our doubts and how we get weighed down. All because He sent his son as the God-Man who walked with us and saw, felt, heard the wrenching insecurities.

    So, Jill, may He bless you today and give you peace as you voice the things we all feel.

    Group Hug.

  8. Lisa, Anonymous, Suzi, Patti, Connie, and Debra,

    Thanks for reminding me that I'm not the only one who feels this way at times. I have to remember that "When I'm weak, He is strong." But for some reason, I guess in my human mind and body that is so easy for me to forget. And Lisa as you said, "take just one more step, and pray for the strength and grace to take one more after that." I have to remember my own post of Just Enough Light. :)

    Debra, I think I frequently think He's too big and I'm too small. Like how could I really possibly matter and I know I do, but I don't, ya know? I also think because of being so sick recently that I've been gone from church way too long. It does make a difference.

    And Connie, evil can so weigh me down. I know we all feel so sad about the horrible events at Fort Hood this week. When all these things happen it's hard to remember that God is in control.

    Patti, you said to "rest in His guidance." That reminds me that sometimes I keep thinking I can do things on my own. Rest in His guidance. I think that will be my mantra for the week.:)

  9. Thank you Jill. I love the way you shared your honest searching and struggle.

    I was just reminded this week that God keeps track of all of our tears and that they who sow in tears will reap in joy.

    Be blessed.


  10. Thanks Dina,
    Sometimes I think I'm a little too transparent for my own good. :) But that's how I grow.

    Praying that God will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

  11. Jill, I can so relate! The hardest thing for me is when you think you're following the path God has set out for you, only to wind up at a dead end. I still don't understand that. Maybe it's about obedience. Maybe faith. Or maybe I don't know my Father's voice as well as I should. In any case, He never fails to rescue me and set me on a new path. But it's still so hard! Thanks for sharing your heart so eloquently today :+}


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