Overcoming Fear in a Fear-Okay World
by Gina Welborn
In the last eight years, since moving to Virginia, we've taken family vacations each summer. Virginia Beach. Kill Devil Hills, NC. Myrtle Beach, SC. Pigeon Forge, TN. DisneyWorld, FL. This past year's vacation was to Souix Falls, SD by way of LeRoy, Illinois, where we visited hubby's cousin and family. For the sake of brevity, I'll sum of the trip by describing the states: Virginia--beautiful, West Virginia--mountainy with practically no bathroom rest stops, Ohio--corn fields, Indiana--corn fields, Illinois--corn fields with an occastional windmill farm, Iowa--corn fields, Minnesota--corn fields, and South Dakota--corn fields, pig farms, and one wheat field that we might have imagined because we were sick of corn fields.
Cousin Mike's house was the halfway point between home and my grandma's house in South Dokata. While I do enjoy staying in hotels, staying with family makes for a fun time. (A loud time, too!)
Three summers ago, a family from church loaned us the use of their beach house located where the Rappahannock River dumps into the Chesapeake Bay. I was three/four months pregnant with chiltlin #5 at the time. Let's see. Four bathrooms, six bedrooms, and thirteen people related by marriage or blood. Sounds like a fun time.
One afternoon hubby, me, our two boys, and hubby's dad (FIL) decided to go riding explore the river on our Sea Doos (personal watercraft). Oldest son (12) rode with me. Younger son (6) rode with my FIL. Hubby knew I don't like riding in rough water so we took a tributary of the Rappahannock. After a bit, hubby told me to take the lead because the Sea Doo I was riding had a depth sensor.
I freely admit I'm fine with not having depth sensor reading skills.
Anyhoo, the sensor showed three/four feet so I knew I was okay, but the water around me looked like an oil spill, I slowed a bit and looked around. Something wasn't right. Since hubby was waving frantically like he wanted me to stop, I did. Apparently his "get out of there" sign is the same as my "stop" sign. Whoops!
Oil sludge? Nope.
Ever heard a pastor quote a scriptures about the mirey pit? Well, I have, although I never really understood what a mirey pit was/is. What we were in was...well imagine a bucket of water with the bottom half mud sludge, the top half muddy water.
Needless to say, once I retarted the engine, I couldn't go anywhere. We were stuck. So was my father-in-law. Hubby who wasn't stuck tried throwing us a rope. Sadly, not long enough. Ended up hubby said we were gonna have to walk the Sea Doos out. Uggh.
I tried sticking my feet in the mire. Totally freaked out. If anywhere is the best place to have a panic attack, this was it. No matter how many times I said to myself, "you can do this, Gina," I couldn't do it. Prayer did not help. At least I didn't feel it helping, but pain medication doesn't always feel like it's working until we no longer feel the pain.
Oldest son Matt told me to stay put. He'd gone with his sixth-grade class that past spring to a marsh land south-east of Richmond near the James River, which made him an "expert" on mire. He walked about 20-30 feet through the sludge to my FIL, who was unable to walk in the icky stuff. Then Matt and his younger brother, Jadan, pushed my FIL and his Sea Doo far enough for them to reach the rope so hubby could pull them out. Then Matt walked back to me. He insisted I could stay on the Sea Doo and he'd push me out.
Well, despite my utter fear and my understanding the my little boy wanted to be my rescuer, I knew I had to get off the boat. Only not one itty bitty part of me wanted to get off.
I was fear's willing captive.
Still, I backed of the back of the Sea Doo and slid down. My feet sank until I had sludge up to my thighs and muddy water up to my chest. While tears poured down my face, while I repeatedly prayed "Oh, God, help me," and while Matt kept telling me how proud he was of me for getting off the Sea Doo, I trudged through the mire until we reached (mostly) clear waters. Matt told me to climb back on (and I did) while he pushed/swam me and the boat out to deeper water. My hands shook. My heart raced. My eyes woundn't quit watering, although I'm sure that was because it was so sunny.
Once we reached hubby in the mire-free zone, Matt told me snakes live in murky depths. I laughed hysterically...and then threw up. I could have been eaten by a snake. Uggh. Certainly not one of my top ten ways to die.
Looking back, I see that day as the moment in life where I started my journey of learning to stop letting fears rule me. (More on my fear confrontation in February during our Sing a Song theme.)
So why did I choose to slide off the boat into the mire when I didn't have to I need to. For me. For my boys because I know I set the example for what they're gonna look for in a wife. I want to be a godly woman of character, of courage, of convictions. I want to be strong enough to go on an adventure with my boys yet honest enough to cry in front of them and tell them I'm scared. And I most certainly was scared.
Yes, I still feel rather stupid for leading us into the mire, for not recognizing what mire was, and even for stopping. (Although I did later recommend to hubby that he work on his hand signals.)
As we approach the beginning of a new year, let's all take inventory of our lives. What fears hold you back? What fear holds you in bondage? More so, why do you choose to stay in bondage to your fears, worries, "what ifs" when you know what a lack of peace you have?
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. ~2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)
In scripture when an angel of the Lord appears, he tells the person(s) he's visiting to "Fear not." Sure that's probably because angels are pretty visually intimidating. No cherubs are they. I like how D'ann so excellently introduced this theme by mentioning the rest of the story, rest of the angel's message beyond the "Fear Not," but I can't help but focus on the middle of the message.
Fear not FOR BEHOLD I bring you good tidings of great joy.
*I will only be able to fear not and behold who I can become WHEN I __________.
*I need to fear not and behold how much BIGGER GOD IS THAN __________.
*I must fear not and behold that I CAN TRUST GOD TO ____________.